Christmas Is Crazy With The Cullens
by Claire the Doctor's Assistant
Summary: Emmett and black Friday? Oh no! Whatever shall we do? Sit back and eat some popcorn, I guess. RxR One-Shot


**Christmas is Crazy with the Cullens!**

**Black Friday**

Dear Diary,

Here was our adventure today: *Flashback*

I screamed, flying down the stairs.

I smelled the It's PARTY TIME Alice! Burning…. My… nose! Agh!

SLAM! I opened my eyes and saw Alice. I screamed again.

Hmm... I wonder if unicorns come from China. My thoughts slowly drifted back to Alice.

Uh oh…… she's planning something!

I have no clue what she was planning because all the Christmas décor was up and ready.

Maybe we were going shopping!

I secretly like shopping but I had to hide my love because everyone would make fun of me.

The evil and crazed glint in her amber eyes told me yes we were going shopping!

YAYZ! It was Black Friday so everything was on sale and because money is not a problem, we can buy even more!

Who hoo!

First, we are going to **Wal-Mart** (which is fabulous, I need another fish because Jasper ate my last one). I walked to my fab Jeep and got in.

I turned on Z 107.7**(AN: A radio station where I live) **and began to jam to Lady Gaga.

I pulled up to Wal-Mart and got a spot next to the door. I ran in, dodged lots of humans, and began to look for an adorable pink sweater I wanted for myself.

I found it in my size but Lauren Mallory was holding it.

I exclaimed "Darn girl! Such a big size! Is your butt that big?" She dropped the sweater and ran to the girls bathroom crying. I picked up the sweater and tried it on.

It fit! I went to find Alice and when I found her we did our happy and super crazy dance. Then, I walked to the fish section to pick out a new fish (I already told you why).

I choose these little gray ones called sardines. They were in this little can in some sticky gross water. Poor fishes!

I found a lot more clothes and things to my liking and bought them all.

I put them in the back of my car with all my new super cute pink and green clothes.

In my car, Jasper and I sat quietly until I drove up to **Claire's** **(AN: That's me!)**.

Alice led me here and I covered my eyes childishly. Jasper whimpered and told me to go somewhere else.

I obeyed and soon we pulled up to **Toys 'R us**. Jasper ran to the Video Games and I ran to the Star Wars merchandise.

I picked out a red light saber then ran to get something Hello Kitty.

I ended up picking out some lip-gloss. People were looking at me like I was crazy and girls were swooning.

I shrugged and ran to the Video Games section to find Jasper. He was holding a game called **Civil War: Secret Missions**.

I screamed, "OMC!! Let's get it!" I grabbed his hand and we skipped out of the store. People were looking at us like we should be in an Insane Asylum like Alice used to be.

LOL! I walked out to my car and put all of my and Jasper's purchases in the trunk.

'I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world! Life in plastic... it's fantastic!' went my phone. Oh, a text! Here's what it said:

_Emmett and Jasper,_

_I saw what happened. How dare you pass up Claire's! It's the most fab store ever! I will get you. I saw a vision. How crazy are you exactly? Crazier than me shopping! OMJ, did I just say that? Please meet me and Rose and Esme at __**Hot Topic**__. The others were allowed to go home. HAHAHA! In your faces._

_~Alice_

I gasped. I then showed Jasper and he squeaked. That is soooooo girly** (AN: Emmett should take a look at himself)**.

I drove to **Hot Topic** grudgingly. I was kind of excited.... I had actually never been to this store before.

While we were in the car, Jasper and I confessed our love of fashion and shopping.

My ringtone came on again and I looked at the text.

_Em and Jazz-_

_I know you love fashion and shopping! YAYZ! We'll have so much fun! Never underestimate my powers!_

_~Ali_

YAY! I showed Jasper and we clapped and screamed and shouted.

Uh oh... Alice will tell the family! AGH! I told Jasper and he shouted. "They will NEVER live that down!" I exclaimed.

Our eyes grew wide as we took that in. I burst in to dry sobs and Jasper took the wheel.

We drove up to **Hot Topic** and got out of the car all cool looking as always. I skipped in and immediately saw Twilight Saga stuff.

Alice had gotten the books and read them and never told Edward. I read the Twilight Saga, it's really fabulous.

They had all this great Twilight merchandise (such as posters and key chains and clothing) so I bought it all.

I did it with super vampire speed so I didn't see my other family besides Jasper. He helped me carry my stuff. I flew to the car and revved the engine. We drove into the rain.

My phone went off again, signaling a text. I picked it up and looked at it.

_Emmy and Jazzy-_

_Thanks for trying. At least you came. Finish up then you can go home._

_~Ali_

We finished up Christmas shopping and drove home.

*End of Flashback*

Well, good night Diary. See you later.

Love, Emmett

P.S. Here's what I got everyone for Christmas:

**Rosalie**- Diamond mirror, a new BMW, a car maintenance kit

**Alice**- a Crystal ball, poker set, a Gucci handbag

**Esme**- a Florida summerhouse, a housecleaning kit

**Bella**- a $100 VISA card, Isle Bella

**Jasper**- a Civil War book, some sardines (He can eat those), a new TV set (he beat his other one up when he lost a battle in **Civil War: Secret Missions**)

**Carlisle**- a doctoring kit, a gift card to Target (Value: $1,000)

**Edward**- a new Grand piano, a new bed (he broke the other one)

**Renesmee**- a prank book, a life sized doll house

Bye, diary! C u l8er.

**The Day after Christmas**

Dear Diary,

Everyone loved their presents! Except Bella and Alice. Oh well. Here's what I got:

**Rosalie**- toys

**Alice**- a new house...Fully decorated (so I can destroy it!), some human blood (mmmmmmmmmm)

**Esme**- a 100 inch TV set (full color, Direct TV, HD)

**Bella**- a set of scary, rated R movies

**Jasper**- a talking care bear** (AN: Thank you theGreatAli)**

**Carlisle**- an I-pod touch

**Edward**- bounce house

**Renesmee**- a big hug and an "I love you, Uncle Emmy!"

Well, I'm going to go play with my new Christmas toys. Bye!!

**Readers,**

**What do you think? I personally loved it. It was for a Christmas contest but I (obviously) missed the deadline. I love it all the same. Let me remind you that this is a one-shot. So…. Bye! Don't have much to say.**

**~Claire**


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